Welcome to the Phelly BlogAs you know, my mission is to help children feel better about themselves and their journey through childhood. At the same time, I want to help parents and kids connect so that the child feels supported and parents feel they know what is going on. In this, the Phelly blog, we share thoughts and resources for parents and kids designed at helping kids to just be kids. Happy reading!
Are you bad or are you dad?26/07/18
Ask my friends, I am known for my fondness of puns and dad jokes, so you will have to bear with me with this headline. But the truth is, sometimes the difference between being bad and being dad lies in changing just one aspect of what we do - turning it around so to speak (told you to be patient with me). But groans aside, it's the truth, especially for our kids. Don't get me wrong, there are things I do that drive my kids insane, things I will not change as I am confident that they are important in their development (not watching TV too much, eating fruit, having manners etc) but there are other aspects of my behaviour which I have recently taken stock of based on an article I read
We become what works for us…04/06/18
One of the basic premises of human nature is that everything we do; our choices, our behaviour (good and bad) has a positive intent (or at least we believe it does). Otherwise we wouldn’t do it. And as children, patterns begin to form as we learn what works for us… you become a crier, a bully, a class clown, the smart one, adventurous… It may be your child’s interpretation of how they are parented that creates this, it may be circumstantial, it may be an indirect consequence of your parenting choice, it may be what they see works for other children, it may be innate. The below information can be quite confronting because no one INTENTIONALLY wants to hurt their children and
The power of language influences everything we do. “The language we use and verbal patterns we employ seed ideas or generate closed loop questions that trigger actions” Eleanor Goold I'm sure there have been times, you've used language to cajole your child... “You’ve behaved so well today, you can decide if you want to go to bed at seven or seven thirty. You decide?” This is called the DOUBLE BIND: It’s a conversational technique that gives another person two choices, and either of which gives you your required outcome i.e. Would you prefer a bath or shower after dinner? (Setting communication up with the illusion of choice increases